Jerry, you need to find god
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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