Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She's the barista slut.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
