We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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