At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
