I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
ok first of all what the fuck
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
