i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
