talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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