I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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