I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
