you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
