I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
