Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
