i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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