dude i'm inner monologue high
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
