remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
