She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
