I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
