Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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