Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
well you can't waste a boner
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
