I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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