Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize