I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
