drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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