You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
