I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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