bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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