I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
