I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
