Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Boobs are out for the taking
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
