Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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