im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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