turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize