Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
