I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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