I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
