I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
