You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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