you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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