he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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