Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
