He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize