I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I did not marry a roomba.
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