..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
