This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
