You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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