I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
