the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
