Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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