i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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