Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
