So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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