just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
