dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
