Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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