peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
