omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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