If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I love you. Go after that dick
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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