I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
