Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
