absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
