sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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